I am 18.
I was in a long distance relationship with someone that lasted all of two months, whom I had only previously met once before.
I am at her house, she isn't as nice as she was the first time we met.
I was getting huffy about her not being so attracted to me.
We were arguing in a whisper downstairs because her mom was asleep upstairs.
She finally gets agitated and grabs my hand and shoves it down the front of her jeans so I could feel for myself that I was getting upset about nothing.
It was strange.
Not that that really helped anything.

I broke off contact with her for the most part, that's the relationship I learned not to ask pointless questions you know you will never get the answers to and to stop constantly bringing things that were said and done up when all is already said and done.
I first met her on her birthday.
Today is that day and I actually forgot.
She wanted to talk again.
It's weird how she does this.

Original flavored Nyquil is one of the most foul tasting medicines.
I imagine Skele-grow (or whatever it was called from Harry Potter when Harry had to regrow the bones in his arm) tastes like original flavored Nyquil.
Cherry flavored is terrible too, but it is downable.
Why can't every liquid medicine taste like that bubblegum pink medicine you got when you were a kid?
Or was it just me?
I mentioned this magical, pink, refridgerated, bubble gum flavored delight to a friend of mine, and apparently they have never experienced this as a child.
I don't remember for what sickness you would recieve this medicine, but I only ever got prescribed it once and it was amazing.


I walked into the bathroom and the AC had it feeling very nice, cool, refreshing even.
It reminded me of when I was a little kid.
The sound of a fan at night, or the AC helps me sleep.
It reminds me of home, and being a kid.

I just got back from buying a pack of Camel Lights from 7-11.
Say what you will about brand or type, I have no personal choice really, probably because I've only just started smoking.
But looking at this pack of cigarettes from this particular brand always reminds me of this girl.


Probably the first girl I ever kissed and maybe tried to "talk to" after my first girlfriend.
I remember going to this thing where her friend's band was playing, and she had me hold onto her cigarettes for her.
They were Camel Lights, hard pack.
Anyway fast forward after a horribly awkward and uninteresting night, I go home and notice the cigarettes are still in my pocket.
The next day at work on my break I resolved to buy her two new packs of cigarettes to make up for leaving and forgetting to give her her cigarettes to give to her the next time I saw her.
So I did.
And I never did see her again.

'Natural' pretzels taste like Italian breadsticks.
Not loafs of bread either, I mean the tiny little breadsticks that you usually get at resturaunts that are waiting for you when you first sit down.
I don't know if American Italian resturaunts do this or not, because I've feared going to any because I am afraid I will be disappointed.
Natural pretzels are far superior to regular pretzels, I now believe.

This kid's car just quit on him in front of my house.
His mom is lecturing him.
This kid is very scene.
Which by the way, I hate that adjective.
There is no longer "a scene", as in maybe a noun, now it is just "scene".
That word actually makes me cringe, and thanks to mainstream society and the direction that trends flow these days and my exposure to them, it was the only word I could use to describe that kid.
My alternative would have been, "That kid is very 'punk rock'", but he was not punk rock.
Anyway, it's funny how different kids are with their parents than when they're alone.
When I work I see the same kids everyday with their stupid group of friends, acting all equally stupid, and then one day I see them with their parent, and they're so much more quiet, so much more polite, so much more awkward.
I find it amusing.


Do you ever see a certain colored car, and turn your head almost everytime, thinking that it just may be a certain someone?
I know I do, sometimes I am amazed at how many people have similar cars.
Especially if it's a less common color like bright yellow, orange, lime green, bright pearly blue, etc.


I ordered a Weezer sticker off of ebay for my car.
A big green "W" but in Weezer logo form, simple.
I don't want to plaster my new car like I did my old one, just maybe a couple stickers.
Make it easier to find it in a parking lot since many people seem to have my car.
I also need super glue so I can glue my little Yoda together so he'll stop falling off my dash.
He's one of those micro-bust model kits, but since he's so little it's his whole body.


Final Fantasy 12 has toys coming out soon, and I really want them.
Mostly just Ashe, because she is pretty good looking for a video game character, and she reminds me of Yuna (visually somewhat, personality is entirely different), who if possible would be my wife.

What she sees in Tidus is beyond me.

So I am rummaging through some old things of mine, mystery heeps collected in closets, if you will, and I come across another gem of a mix cd.
I am guessing I made this sometime in 2004 judging by it's terrible compilation, both artists and flow.
There appear to be a number of Final Fantasy themes going on here, and of course I don't know what any of this is as it all imported into my iTunes as "track 01" "track 02" etc.
I feel I am losing my geek status beacuse I can't figure out which themes are for which games for the most part.
If I listen to them long enough, flashes of memory come to me and it's a warming feeling for the "ah ha!" moment of realization to come to me.
But the Final Fantasy themes aren't what make me ashamed of this mix cd.
I mean the fact that they are included in the mix of a Garbage song, The Goo Goo Dolls, a Boxcar Racer song, some generic poppy punk band whose genre swept the late 90's early-early 2000's before emo became the big thing.
Ew, a Finch song.
Finch, whose Finch?
The beginning of screamo as the mainstream music world knew it?
I think perhaps I just liked this song because the song title is "I Miss You", and me being the sap I am liked to belt out the chorus complete with air guitar in my bedroom.

Ah, a Bright Eyes song.
I am seeing some slow transitioning in this mix.
For the most part I've figured out either the artist's name or the song titles, and have a general idea for which game the themes were for.

Anyway, now that I've finished walking you through my 'guess the mix cd' experience.
It never ceases to amaze me how so many people like to proudly wear their ignorance on their rear windshield or bumper.
Complete with Bumper Nuts.
I have vandalous (this may not even be a word but I am sure you get the meaning I am trying to get across) tendancies when I see ignorant bumper stickers, I really do.
I think people like the idea of someone driving behind them, them getting particularly offended at them for their sticker, and driving off into the distance while said person behind them can do absolutely nothing about it.
Any stickers having to do with southern pride really grind my gears too, I almost feel embarrassed for the driver really.
Calvin peeing on random words, phrases, countries, logos, Happy Bunny being a bitch stickers, stickers with phrases you'd once see on t-shirts now rarely sold at Hot Topic, moreso Spencers.
It's all very nauseating driving behind these people, and if that was their intent, then well done I say, mission accomplished.
Sometimes all I can do is stare in complete and utter bewilderment at what I see in front of me and sometimes I have enough of my self back with reality to say "Ow..."

And back to feeling vandalous, I like to rip ignorant stickers off of cars.
Not ones that mention how they hate their town or that they are some empowering bitch princess or a real man, but the ones that say things like, "It's a child not a choice", or "Marriage = man symbol + woman symbol".
I am glad that there are very few of those that I see, but it really amazes me that some people feel so strongly about it to go out, get the sticker, and drive around town proudly.
Or sometimes I'd like to think I'd be really juvenile, take a sharpie and replace words with my own.
"Proud descendent of a Confederate Soldier fag"
And yes, I can say fag.


That's all I've got to say for now.
I need a shower pretty bad, but I also have an upset stomach, and there's nothing more upsetting to me than taking a shower, then having to do a number two soon afterwards.
Then I don't feel so clean, and it almost seems the point of me showering has disappeared.


I think I will watch the first two Harry Potter movies, they're the most magical.

So, I come home from work and I can tell by the obnoxious bass, even from inside of my car sitting outside of my apartment, that my neighbor is blasting, 'what's love got to do with it?' by Tina Turner.
Again.
And not only that, but upon entering my apartment and hanging out for a while, I counted each time he hit repeat.
Seven.
I will say it again, my mid-life crisis douche of a neighbor listened to that same song seven times in a row, ridiculously loud.
And since I heard it playing as I got home, I can only assume he had played it more times since before then.

As I was sitting outside I also got wind of my other neighbor having obnoxiously loud sex.
It seriously sounds as though someone is watching a porn when I hear her.
She is ridiculous.
I think the window was open too, I mean seriously who does that?
And she has roomates (I think? They may have moved out because of her terrible choices in music and obnoxiously loud sex) and a kid, so I wonder how that works out.
Lucky for me though it's only once in a blue moon or so I can hear it.
But when I do, ugh.


I have a big public restroom sort of phobia.
The restrooms at school I don't always mind, well the ones in the main buildings I do.
But in the buildings where there aren't as many people, like the computer labs, the restrooms are fairly clean and there is less chance I have to use it while someone else is in there.
But anywhere else.
For instance say I go to the mall, I always, always, always, unless in an extreme sort of an emergency, use the family bathroom.
But sometimes that one is disgusting too.
Because it is a family bathroom which equals diapers.
And there is no trashcan in this bathroom, so the diapers go in the tiny bin against the wall next to the sink.
I very much feel like writing a letter to the mall office that will go a little something like this:

Dear Mall Office,

I don't know about you, but I cannot stand to use public restrooms.
I will wait ten minutes to use the family bathroom if I have to.
That aside, all I am really asking, is one to three things, options if you will.
Add a couple more private or "family bathrooms", particularly one without a diaper changing station, for the employees to stop farting around doing nothing but making everyone feel awkward in the normal restrooms and to actually regularly clean them, or to add a trashcan in the family bathroom so disgruntled mothers can toss the child's filth in there so I wont have to brush my hands against a dirty diaper as I reach for paper towels after only just seconds ago washing my hands.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
>:/


I really need to eat right now.
Sushi would take me to my happy place, but I am more broke now than I have been in months, so either ramen, stale BBQ chips, or ravioli will have to suffice.

What is it about kids sized cereal boxes that make you want to keep eating?
The fact that one of them alone couldn't possibly fill you up?
So far I have had:
Shredded Mini Wheats
Frosted Flakes
Rice Krispies
Raisin Bran


And thats just eating out of them like a bag of chips, no milk added.
Although I did have some frosted shredded mini wheats this morning for breakfast, with milk.
I think I will start drinking soy when I get coffee from now on.
Regular milk messes up my stomach.
Heavy whipping cream and half and half makes my chest hurt.
That can't be good.
Well, neither is drinking heavy whipping cream as a milk substitute either, but I thought I'd try it just once.



The Perks of Being a Wallflower is an excellent book, for being as simple as it is.
It half tempts me to anonymously write someone and journal them my thoughts and happenings of my day.


It's getting dark and my body knows better.
Time to sleep soon.

There is nothing more disgusting than being able to smell coffee in your own urine.
It really does make me feel a little nauseous, one of the reasons why I dread drinking coffee sometimes.
I'm weird about that sort of thing.



I thought I was going somewhere with this, but I drew a blank.
Maybe I'll come up with something later.

This class is murder.
This woman has a voice that makes me want to punch babies.
No extra shots in this drink will wake me up in this class.
Lesser known fact, Starbucks shots of espresso really don't contain much caffeine at all.
You get more out of a tall cup of coffee, or a tall cup of tea.
Starbucks prides themselves on quality.
And its true, they do have quality drinks, but adding extra shots?
Doesn't do a whole lot, it's in your head.

Have you ever just kind of sat back and watched the "most recent posts"?
It's crazy, constantly changing, I think I've maybe seen a max of three or four in the same second.
I'm sure there are probably more.
It's so mind boggling in some weird way to see so many starting of a sentences in so many different kinds of people's journals for just a fraction of a second.
"FUCKKK!!!!11! I JUST TYPED A HUGE ENTRY AND IT GOT DELETED!"

"Some days I feel my life isn't so bad."

"Missed my plane today, Anne had her baby..."

And so on and so on. So weird.
For some I waited and tried to catch a remotely interesting one but my mind couldn't process, "hey this might be an interesting read" and then telling my hand to click the mouse fast enough just in time.


So this is a new journal, I've had several in the past.
I'm leaving this one open to all, sometimes it's nice having faceless onlookers, readers, friends.
You don't have the constant worry of friends who happen to read it thinking you're a little too sad of a person, or kind of messed up for thinking a certain way about something, or that you complain a little too much.
This one I bare my soul to anyone willing to read/listen/what have you.


And on an ending note, how does a dog whose diet is only a cup of Purina brand kibble a day producing such potent, nose stinging farts?